What If a Closer Relationship with God Isn’t About Trying Harder?
What If a Closer Relationship with God Isn’t About Trying Harder?
“If I could just get more consistent with prayer…”
“If I had more discipline, maybe I’d feel closer to God…”
I’ve heard those words so many times—spoken softly, often with some mix of shame and
frustration. Maybe you’ve said them too. There’s this quiet ache underneath the surface: I want to connect with God… I just can’t seem to get it right.
Somewhere along the line, many of us absorbed a message—sometimes from church, sometimes from culture, sometimes just from the pressure we put on ourselves—that closeness with God is something we earn. Something we achieve by being more focused, more devoted, more spiritual.
And if we don’t feel close to God? Well, we must not be trying hard enough.
But what if it’s not about effort?
What if it’s about something else entirely?
The Try-Harder Gospel
When I look back on my years in ministry, I realize how often my message, sometimes subtly,
sometimes not so subtly, was: Do more. Be better.
Read your Bible every day.
Pray more.
Join a small group.
Serve.
Try harder.
None of those things are bad. But sometimes I think I was giving people a spiritual to-do list more than I was pointing them toward rest. These days, if I could go back and rewrite that message, it might sound more like: Do less. Or at least—do different.
Because the truth is, many of us are exhausted from trying to earn what God has already offered freely.
We’ve been taught (often with good intentions) to treat spiritual life like a checklist. We measure our closeness to God by how many quiet times we’ve logged or how well we’ve kept up spiritual habits. We chase the feeling of nearness only to wonder why we still feel distant.
And slowly, without realizing it, we start to believe that God’s presence is a reward for discipline… not a gift of grace.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace
But Jesus offers us something different.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life… Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.”
(Matthew 11:28–30, The Message)
That phrase—the unforced rhythms of grace—has become something of a lifeline for me. It reminds me that God is not waiting at a distance for me to prove I’m worthy of His attention. He’s not grading my spiritual performance.
He’s already near.
And He’s not calling me to hustle.
He’s inviting me to rest.
Not into laziness. But into focus on space.
Not into apathy. But into trust.
A Different Kind of Growth
Spiritual growth might not look like what we thought.
It might look less like trying and more like trusting.
Less like productivity and more like presence.
Less like climbing and more like receiving.
Instead of asking, “What more can I do?”
What if we started asking, “Where can I make space?”
Some practices that create space for grace might include:
You don’t have to overhaul your life. You don’t need a perfect plan. Sometimes grace meets us when we stop striving and finally sit still.
A Gentle Invitation
So let me end with a few questions for reflection:
You’re not alone in this unlearning. I’m walking it too.
So here’s a simple invitation for this week:
Take five minutes each day to sit quietly and pray:
“God, I’m here. I believe you are too.”
That’s it. No agenda. No pressure.
Just acknowledging you are together.
Because maybe the journey toward God isn’t about climbing some spiritual ladder.
Maybe it’s about pausing long enough to realize—
He’s already right here.
“If I could just get more consistent with prayer…”
“If I had more discipline, maybe I’d feel closer to God…”
I’ve heard those words so many times—spoken softly, often with some mix of shame and
frustration. Maybe you’ve said them too. There’s this quiet ache underneath the surface: I want to connect with God… I just can’t seem to get it right.
Somewhere along the line, many of us absorbed a message—sometimes from church, sometimes from culture, sometimes just from the pressure we put on ourselves—that closeness with God is something we earn. Something we achieve by being more focused, more devoted, more spiritual.
And if we don’t feel close to God? Well, we must not be trying hard enough.
But what if it’s not about effort?
What if it’s about something else entirely?
The Try-Harder Gospel
When I look back on my years in ministry, I realize how often my message, sometimes subtly,
sometimes not so subtly, was: Do more. Be better.
Read your Bible every day.
Pray more.
Join a small group.
Serve.
Try harder.
None of those things are bad. But sometimes I think I was giving people a spiritual to-do list more than I was pointing them toward rest. These days, if I could go back and rewrite that message, it might sound more like: Do less. Or at least—do different.
Because the truth is, many of us are exhausted from trying to earn what God has already offered freely.
We’ve been taught (often with good intentions) to treat spiritual life like a checklist. We measure our closeness to God by how many quiet times we’ve logged or how well we’ve kept up spiritual habits. We chase the feeling of nearness only to wonder why we still feel distant.
And slowly, without realizing it, we start to believe that God’s presence is a reward for discipline… not a gift of grace.
The Unforced Rhythms of Grace
But Jesus offers us something different.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life… Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.”
(Matthew 11:28–30, The Message)
That phrase—the unforced rhythms of grace—has become something of a lifeline for me. It reminds me that God is not waiting at a distance for me to prove I’m worthy of His attention. He’s not grading my spiritual performance.
He’s already near.
And He’s not calling me to hustle.
He’s inviting me to rest.
Not into laziness. But into focus on space.
Not into apathy. But into trust.
A Different Kind of Growth
Spiritual growth might not look like what we thought.
It might look less like trying and more like trusting.
Less like productivity and more like presence.
Less like climbing and more like receiving.
Instead of asking, “What more can I do?”
What if we started asking, “Where can I make space?”
Some practices that create space for grace might include:
- Sitting in silence for five minutes before rushing into your day
- Whispering a breath prayer during a stressful moment
- Reading Scripture slowly, not for information, but for communion
- Noticing beauty in your ordinary life and letting it stir gratitude
You don’t have to overhaul your life. You don’t need a perfect plan. Sometimes grace meets us when we stop striving and finally sit still.
A Gentle Invitation
So let me end with a few questions for reflection:
- What if God is already closer than you think?
- What if the pressure to “try harder” is actually keeping you from experiencing grace?
- What would it look like to make space rather than add effort?
You’re not alone in this unlearning. I’m walking it too.
So here’s a simple invitation for this week:
Take five minutes each day to sit quietly and pray:
“God, I’m here. I believe you are too.”
That’s it. No agenda. No pressure.
Just acknowledging you are together.
Because maybe the journey toward God isn’t about climbing some spiritual ladder.
Maybe it’s about pausing long enough to realize—
He’s already right here.
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