It is hard to imagine, but there were times during my sabbatical when it was difficult for me to see the work that God was doing. Sometimes I understood or saw him at work, but other times - not so much. Now that I look back, it is so clear that he beautifully orchestrated a work in my life very intentionally. There were many hard moments, but seeing how God moved in my life makes me feel seen and loved.

He took note of me.
He saw me.
He loved me enough to make way for my healing.
He restored me.

Something that I didn’t realize was how impactful prayer exercises were for me, nor how many I actually did over those 8 weeks. Now that I look back, I see that God used these different questions and scriptures to remind me of his truth over and over again. They wove together into a beautiful pattern of renewal for my soul.

While at the silent retreat I read a translation of Ignatius’ Exercises. Ignatius’ premise is that transformation takes place when we understand that God loves us deeply and personally and when we meet with God in truth. After the retreat, I knew that Ignatius was on to something so I bought a book from Amazon that seemed interesting. The book takes the Ignatian principles and breaks them up into daily exercises. I worked through a number of these exercises on my sabbatical because they were so simple and accessible.

And it turns out, powerful.

What is really interesting to me is that I cannot remember having an emotional reaction or experience connected to any one of the exercises. And yet, some of the most powerful images or memories of my sabbatical came as a result of these simple prayer exercises. God used them to remind me of his truth, to reassure me of his love and to change things in my heart.

Today, as I share some of them with you, I want you to remember a few things. 1. This is a condensed version of over 8 weeks of prayer. 2. I am not a very visual person. Almost all of my thoughts happen in words and I am primarily an auditory learner, so when God brings a picture to mind for me, it can be a pretty meaningful and memorable experience for me. With that said, I want you to remember that these are my prayer experiences…. And they do not need to look like your prayer experiences.

God may use different ways of teaching and encouraging you. He may impress things on your heart in a different sort of way.

And that is good.

He loves you individually and thus he will communicate with you in a way that you will listen and understand.

In addition, please do not judge your prayer life by a packaged and condensed version of mine. Please remember that, on any given day, I may struggle with an exercise, choose not to use one, or may not gain any significant revelation. What I am sharing with you are some of my more meaningful experiences, so please do not judge your prayer life by what I share with you today. Instead, be encouraged that God speaks in a variety of ways, that he is working in your life and maybe you want to incorporate some prayer exercises into your quiet time.

September, 19th

Isaiah 43:1-2
“Don’t be afraid, for I will protect you. I will call you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I am with you; when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you.”

Who is God for you?
He is my protector, my guide. The one who looks for me and comes after me. God, you are like an expert white-water rafting guide helping me navigate difficult waters and helping me even enjoy the ride and scenery. In addition, you are my creator and my lover, protecting, nurturing and seeking my well-being.

How does God see me?
As his prize, his reward, the thing he has gone after and seeks. I am the one he loves.

A couple of things are significant to me about this particular exercise.
1. I was in the midst of personal struggle with my worth and identity. The “waters” of this part of my journey felt rough and murky. It was a huge encouragement to me to picture God as an expert white-water rafting guide. He knows the waters, he understands the currents, and when I am with him, I am far safer than I may feel. I trust him with my journey.
2. Believing that God sees me as something worthwhile changes the way I relate to him. It is important that we see ourselves as God sees us. What was really, really interesting was the question “How does God see me?” just happened to be our evening campfire conversation (I didn’t even suggest the question!) and it led to a very powerful conversation.

Gratefulness

One of the exercises that was required with a group I am in was keeping track of things I am grateful for. The idea was to come up with a list of at least 50 things. Here are a few of mine.

God, thank you for:

• Your love
• William’s love
• Aravis’ smile
• Lydia’s delight in life
• Micah’s smiling eyes
• Conversations with Zeph
• Friendship
  • A friend’s warm demeanor
  • A  friend’s questions and openness
  • A friend’s encouragement
  • A friend’s perceptiveness and persistence 
  • A friend’s genuineness 
• Clouds in the hills
• Little white flowers on the beach
• Someone making me a grilled cheese sandwich
• The breeze 
• Pink sunrises
• Friends who speak the truth encouragingly 
• The persistent, available presence of God
• The sound of crickets at night 
• The beauty of the sunshine reflecting on the lake
• God’s gentle care
• Stars
• Delicious food 
• Friends who cook
• Friends who chop campfire wood
• Friends who help clean the boat
• William making me coffee 
• Fall leaves 

For me, this exercise helped me focus on the blessings I already had. I watched for and took delight in the small things around me that point me to God’s grace. Gratitude has a way of shaping us and our thoughts. I have found it to be a powerful reminder of God’s goodness.


Psalm 139

Psalm 139:1–7; 23-24
1O Lord, you examine me and know.
2You know when I sit down and when I get up; even from far away you understand my motives.
3You carefully observe me when I travel or when I lie down to rest; you are aware of everything I do.
4Certainly my tongue does not frame a word without you, O Lord, being thoroughly aware of it.
5You squeeze me in from behind and in front; you place your hand on me.
6Your knowledge is beyond my comprehension; it is so far beyond me, I am unable to fathom it.
7Where can I go to escape your spirit? Where can I flee to escape your presence?

23Examine me, and probe my thoughts! Test me, and know my concerns!
24See if there is any idolatrous tendency in me, and lead me in the reliable ancient path!

How does God gaze upon me?
He knows me better than I know myself. He knows my actions, thoughts, intentions and motives.

How open am I to receiving this intimacy?
I see now that David’s words are an invitation to God, that he is opening himself up to the Lord. “Examine me, O God, and probe my thoughts. Test me and know my concerns. See if there is any idolatrous way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”

Oh, how I need you. You have supported, sustained and strengthened me. You are my life and my reason. Jesus I want to depend on you more, trust you more and love you more. You are all I need. Your examination of me is hard because it shatters my illusions of my own goodness, but I cannot hold on to those illusions and be fully yours. So do what you need to do, Lord. I am so grateful that you know all of me and you still love me. Your love is amazing - beyond what I could know or express.

Luke 12:22-34

In this passage Jesus tells us “Do not worry” and “Do not fear”.

What worries or fears do I want to let go of?

• The fear of not being perfect
• The worry that my mistakes will ruin things
• My belief that I am the one who has to hold it all together

I have realized that I do not think too much about what I specifically fear or worry about. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have worries or fears. So, an exercise like this is great for me to name and release worries and fears to Jesus, trusting him as one who loves me and wants what is good for me.


Prayer Meditation from Anthody DeMello

I think of the impact Jesus Christ has had on human history…

Hospitals, orphanages, science, medical advances, bible translations, end to slavery, human rights
 
And on my life…

I have received direction, grace, belonging, freedom from shame, worth, value, a path to follow, guidance, wisdom, and blessing upon blessing…

Then I conduct a dialogue with him….
I tell him what it is about him that appeals to me the most and listen to what he says in reply…

Jesus, I love your determined gentleness with me. You never give up on me, yet you aren’t harsh with me. You are willing to wait for me to be ready, but you don’t leave me in my brokenness. You are always guiding me toward yourself and what you have for me. Not out of judgement or criticism, rather you lead and guide with gentleness and love.

Aimee, I am glad you recognize that about me. I am the good shepherd. I love my sheep. I desire to bring them to places where they can heal, rest and experience wholeness. I am not harsh with my sheep. Thank you for trusting me.

I tell him which of his words have had the greatest impact on me and how those words have influenced my life.

Jesus, you saying that I am your beloved has profoundly impacted me. I still find it amazing that you love me like you do! It has meant that I have, (to some degree) set aside my striving for perfection in order to qualify to be good enough for you, and instead know that I am already loved and already accepted. Jesus you have released me from feeling like a constant failure. You have invited me to get off the hamster wheel of perfection and instead invited me to follow you in a relationship of love. How could I ever thank you enough?

His disciples sometimes speak of His presence in their lives. I ponder on the meaning that word “presence” has for me. In what way, if at all, has he been present in my past and in my life today?

Jesus, it is clear that you have been with me, my whole life. You have guided me, protected me, and provided for me. You have comforted me, taught me, loved me and healed me. You have blessed me so richly. How well you have loved me! Today, you invite me into your rest. You assure me that I, right now, am loved and accepted. You give me leave to enjoy your love and to pursue only your presence. You promise to do the leading, providing, and protecting. And I believe you.

He indicated he was sent to teach us how to love. What kind of love has Jesus taught me? If I am a loving person, to what extent is he responsible?

He has loved me with a tender, gentle, non-critical, non-judgemental, patient love. He has loved me when I am prideful, angry, resentful, bitter, self-absorbed, self-critical, critical of others, self-righteous, self-reliant, disregarding, and distracted. He has taught me to be more gentle and compassionate with others, to be less disappointed and more supportive and understanding. I would have nothing with which to love others without His love.

He has also claimed to bring liberation to the lives of people. Has this been my experience?

Certainly, Jesus, you have given me the freedom to love and accept myself because you love and accept me. Without this freedom, I would be bound in self-criticism, never living up to my own standards, never being good enough. This has also given me the liberty to love others in the midst of their struggles as well.

What impact did Jesus have on me yesterday?

He reminded me that he delights in me, loves to spend time with me, that he loves me personally and that his greatest expectation of me is to receive his love.

And tell him what I think his influence will be on what I think and say and do today and I leave this retreat.

Jesus, I think I will carry with me a  renewal of my love for you. You have been so gentle and kind to me. You have assured me of my value and so I want to walk from here affording others the love and dignity they deserve because they are your creations crafted in your image. I want to be more like you in accepting others and what they are capable of. I want to be more humble, being sure to give you the credit for the good in my life. I want to trust you more as the teammate you desire to be. Have your way in me, Lord.

This particular prayer exercise occurred during the early parts of my sabbatical, but it stuck with me. God used it later to remind me of his love for me and the security of my identity in him. He reminded me of the steadfastness and faithfulness of his love. This anchored me in a way that became the foundation of what he wanted me to learn during my time of rest.

Near the very end of my sabbatical God connected some things together for me in a really cool way. One of the prayer sets at The Upper Room was all about Psalm 23, which God used over and over to speak to me throughout my sabbatical.

God gave me a picture of a little sheep running in circles around The Shepherd. The Shepherd is smiling and chasing after and playing with the little sheep. Then he bends down, picks up the little sheep and snuggles his face into the fur on the top of its head and loves on it. I am the little sheep and God is the shepherd.

God used this picture to remind me that he truly delights in me.

I hope that he might use some of these words and thoughts to remind you too - God delights in you!